October 4, 2009 Sugirdha 5Comment

The past few weeks have been rough. I don’t know if I am happy about all the developments going on. I’m trying to wean my son off breastfeeding. He is growing up and he eats well. For the first time in his life, I am doing enough physical work in providing him food. So far, the only physical stress that I have been through because of him was breastfeeding and now I am replacing that with even more stressful work, for good.
Also, he sleeps in a separate bed now, even though the said bed is arranged side by side with our bed and in the middle of the night when he wakes up for nursing, I merely drag him near me to feed. He nurses for hardly 5 minutes and pushes himself into his bed to find comfort.
But I really don’t know if all of these are enough reasons to keep thinking about my son all the time and ignore the rest of life. I feel like a new mother with all her insecurities.
I didn’t realize it earlier. I have been lacking interest in everything including the business and the reasons became clear when I sat for a heart to heart discussion with Hubby. My past few posts suggest what kind of emotions I am going through. I am in fact, overdosed with emotions.
Today, long after my son fell asleep in my arms, I held him tight and kept kissing his huge head, and not willing to let him go, even if my actions would wake him up. For I know that soon, he will leave to find comfort in his own bed.
I can’t even start to explain what all of this mean to me, or if anybody would understand, or if anyone even cares.
I read somewhere that having a baby is like making a decision to have your heart walk out of your body forever. To me, making a decision to wean a baby feels more like cutting the last strand of the umbilical cord. The birth process is yet to be completed. At the end of the weaning process, I will have a normal, independent human being who needs real food and water and other drinks and not mommy’s boo boo. Isn’t this reason enough to be depressed or over stimulated, whatever my current state shall be named as?

5 thoughts on “I didn’t know that PPD goes such a long way

  1. “I am in fact, overdosed with emotions.” I know that.

    I was literally crying, a month back, when I felt I didn’t have enough milk for her. I fanatically pumped 4-5 times a day, for 2 weeks, till I increased my milk flow. Breastfeeding is something more intimate between mom and bub that brings us more closer than dad. And we won’t be ready to lose that precious feeling without an emotional fight. 🙁

    The_Inspired: Oh yeah. It is a big thing.

  2. Oh, by the way, you will come out of it da. Don’t be depressed 🙂 Huggssssssssss

    The_Inspired: Hmmmmm. Thanks for those hugs da. I feel warm.

  3. I hope you feel better soon. It must be hard to let go. *HUGS*

    The_Inspired: Thanks Priyanka. I’m already feeling better. Things seem to settle down now.

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