May 24, 2009 Sugirdha 0Comment

Dear Pappu,
You were about 2 weeks old when I first got a blocked duct. At that time, we were in a process of weaning you from the bottle and putting you on a fully breastfed diet. You were not nursing as much as my body had expected and your dad and I stayed up for hours in the middle of the night trying to relieve me of the pain. That night I understood what my mother had been telling. “Your baby is your medicine. The more he nurses, the better you are”.
During the weeks that followed, you moved to a fully breastfed diet and I got to understand the real pleasure of breastfeeding.
You were an efficient nurser. Atleast I convinced myself so, when there was a question about the too less time you used to nurse for. Most of the time, you nursed only 5 minutes or less and would feed again after 2 hours, which was too less according to the other mothers. I was convinced that you suckled so hard and thus you must have taken enough milk in those 5 minutes.
The amount of time I spent breastfeeding you would be very less compared to other kids out there. But I should tell you that those are some of the best moments motherhood has presented me with.
Now that you are an year old, people ask me when I plan to wean you. Why else would I still be shopping nursing clothes and restricting myself to the old fashioned same design clothes that have no style? I just tell them that I have no plans yet.
No son, I’m not done with this yet. I’m not ready to let you go away from this closeness, not so early. May be I will, either when you want to wean yourself off, or when you are 2 years old and have a mouthful of teeth and wouldn’t fall asleep until you have suckled for hours on an empty breast (like my mother warned me out of her own experience). May be by then I would want to stop! Definitely not now.
P.S. Right now as I type this, you are asleep in my arms and nursing. I can feel my heart melting and pouring out of my breast, instead of milk.
Can someone survive consuming just a mother’s heart? Why not? Afterall you are a part of me and just over an year ago, my heart was pumping blood for your body wasn’t it?

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